Definition of a Real Man by David Hendricks
Everyday I now ask myself the question “What is a Real Man and how does one define him?” For me to define a real man is to look back upon my life and the people who have influenced it. The list is endless and holds both people that I closely know and people I have never even met, but perhaps saw once from a distance or heard a story about. Some of the men that made impressions on my life were only characters in a book or a movie... Wherever they came from, all the men in and around my life have helped in defining what a Real Man means to me.
To start, there is my father Mark Hendricks. We didn’t agree or see eye to eye for a very long time. In fact I wouldn’t have put him on the list of role models ten years ago. My dad, like most fathers or young men, was a force to reckon with. It wasn’t that my father was abusive or a dead beat, it was that my father had rules, responsibilities and priorities and they weren’t mine. When I was six my parents split as many kid’s parents do, only my father took custody. Six months or so later he blended our family with his new wife and her four kids. Our family was now made up of two adults and seven kids. Well, until they had my little brother and it became eight kids. Needless to say there were a lot of mouths to feed, bodies to clothe and bills to pay. My father had to make the sacrifice of working at times up to three jobs. Working that many jobs made it hard to get much face time with him though and as a young ornery boy, the face time that I got wasn’t the kind you wanted. At the age of ten I had had enough and wanted to go live with my mom. My father let me, but I know he didn’t want to. It took me over ten years of living with my mom and going through the ups and downs of adolescence, early adulthood and even being a father myself before I was able to look back, not at all the punishments or the lack of time he spent with me, but at the sacrifices he made for me and our family and realize he was the first Real Man I had ever met. With this let me say the first trait I associate with a real man is “A Real Man sacrifices everything, all the time, for the ones he loves.” My dad fit that bill when I was a kid and still fits that bill to this day.
Second only to my father was my grandfather Charles Smith, the man my middle name proudly comes from. He passed away when I was only seventeen but in those years he impressed upon me values I hope to pass on to every man I meet. He was an old fashion man born in 1919, lived through the depression and served in WWII. I spent lots of time with him growing up. My brother, sister and I would go to his house every weekend and to church with him and my grandmother. We also spent summers vacationing at the beach with him. He taught my brother and I about knots, how to fish and handle a boat. He didn’t work much, if at all, when I was a kid but was active with his church and volunteered his time with different organizations. I would have to say that the trait I remember him most for is “A Real Man is a gentleman to everyone, all the time.” In all the time that I was around my grandfather he was always a gentleman to everyone he encountered. He was kind to everyone he was around and never fought or argued with anyone, if you don’t count dinner conversations with the family, i.e. my mom.
My mom’s third husband Kevin Riskowitz has definitely earned a spot in my list of Real Men. He married my mother when I was about thirteen years old. He had never been married before and had no kids of his own. Boy, did he ever jump in head first, not only did my mom have kids but she had ME! Let’s just say I wasn’t the most well behaved child and I definitely caused my fair share of mischief (and then some). At about fourteen years old I “borrowed” his car and didn’t return it in “like” condition. Wait, come to think of it, I left it in pieces wrapped around a fire hydrant! And that was only one of the many things he ended up having to deal with. I was a terror and I don’t know how but he put up with me. After he and my mother split up it would have been really easy to just cut ties with us kids but still to this day he treats us like his own. In fact, my daughter and I are currently living with him due to economic reasons. I’m not sure what traits "not killing me as a kid" and "still putting up with me to this day" count as, but whatever they are Kevin has them down pat. This is one trait he shows for sure “A Real Man holds no record of wrongs.”
My brothers Kris and Heath (though I sometimes hate to say it) both have had their fair share of influence in my life. Kris, though it wasn’t successful, gave his marriage everything he had to try and make it work. I think it takes a Real Man to look past the mistakes and decisions others make, but he did so for the sake of his marriage and his son. “A Real Man does everything he can to keep his vows, both to God and his family”. Heath found a great woman who already had a great kid and stepped right up and became a great dad. He adopted her son Michael and has been raising him as his own since day one. I think it takes a Real Man to step into a ready-made family and not only call it your own but treat it that way from the heart. “A real man takes care of the women and children in his life.”
Two other men in my life that I couldn’t write this without mentioning are Joe Hall and Harry Blackledge Jr. These are two men who I met while dating a wonderful young relative of theirs’. They come from an awesome family and besides great husbands, fathers and friends they most definitely are Real Men. These Real Men that showed me “A Real Man Respects, A Real Man Trusts and A Real Man Loves God and his family.” I wouldn’t have made the last steps in my life when I did if it wasn’t for their role in my life.
There have been many other people, real and make believe that have shown me a glimpse of what a real man is. It would take forever to mention them all or describe how / what they inspired me to think about a Real Man. All the men in my life have had an impact and not all have been great like the ones I have mentioned. I have also learned much about being a Real Man from the poor examples we have among us. If you want to know what a Real Man is you should also look to those that show you what a Real Man isn’t so you don't do those things.
Below is a list of just some of the traits I think a Real Man is defined by:
A Real Man sacrifices everything, all the time, for the ones he loves.
A Real Man is a gentleman to everyone all the time.
A Real Man holds no record of wrongs.
A Real Man does everything he can to keep his vows, both to God and his family.
A Real Man takes care of the women and children in his life.
A Real Man Respects, A Real Man Trusts and A Real Man Loves God and his family.
A Real Man strives each and every day to be A Real Man.
There are many traits besides these that make up a real man and there are a lot of Real Men out there that encompass these traits and others, however no one man holds them all except God, for All Real Men besides Jesus are and were fallible. If you are seeking to define a Real Man or to be a Real Man then look around you... Look not only at the men you see, but the people around them. You will
know the real men, not by the flash of their cars or the size of their wallets, but by the lasting impact they have on the lives that they lift up and put first, above their own.
