Definition of a Real Man by Brock Johnson
Editors Note: Brock Johnson is the founder of Deep Stream Ministries and the Buena Vista Sports Academy for Boys in Guatemala.
My friend Omar asked me to share a little bit about myself for the RMD website. Even though I told him I’d love to, it has taken me a long time to actually do it. It’s not because I forgot or have been too busy. Its honestly because I don’t like talking about myself.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized something. In my experiences and my personal journey, God has taught me a few critical things - one of which may even be what a real man really is. And while I strive to be one (I fail miserably at times), this story is not about me. It’s about God’s grace. It’s about His forgiveness, and his rescue. It’s about what he is teaching us, and how we can become more like Him.
So I am going to tell you my story, thankful and humbled that it is part of His much bigger one.
I grew up going to church, but didn’t really know Jesus. I played every sport, and was pretty good at them all. In high school, I zeroed in on basketball and baseball. I dated hot cheerleaders. I thought I was “the man.” I went to college. I did fine in school, but was more about the party. While I was “serious” with my sweetheart from high school, I enjoyed the college life. She lived off campus, which allowed me to be a different person when I was with her than I was otherwise.
After 2 years of college, my girlfriend got pregnant. Determined to make it work, we married right away. I doubled up my classes so I could graduate early and get a job. She worked full time while I finished school. While that was the “right thing” to do, getting your girlfriend pregnant while dating numerous different girls on the side was far from honorable. In hindsight, it may have been the shabby way that I initiated our marriage that set the stage for the rocky road that lied ahead.
After graduation, I scored an internship with the NFL’s Jacksonville Jaguars. This was no ordinary make-copies-and-fetch-coffee type of internship. It was in the football operations department – learning the salary cap under the general manager, participating in mock negotiations, sitting in on management/agent contract meetings, and assisting the GM, head coach, and owner with various assignments. There was 8-10 of us. The second week, we were told that there would be a position open as a salary cap manager at the end of our 8-week term. It became a competition.
I was not the most qualified by a long-shot. There were Harvard Law graduates within our group, among other multiple-degree holders. I was over my head. But I was young, hungry, and smart enough to see what was valued in the business of sports – hard work. I got noticed by simply “being around.” You know… first one in, last to leave. At 10pm when the coaches were wrapping up their meetings and needed something done, there I’d be to help.
The next 5 years are still a blur in my mind. I was promoted quickly. I was the youngest contract negotiator amongst all my peers in the NFL. I traveled constantly. In addition to overseeing all team travel logistics during the season, the offseason was spent hopping from city to city, meeting with agents and negotiating contracts.
After several years of this, a couple of us resigned and started our own sports agency. We were moving to the “other side of the table” to become the agents who represented the players. Because of our unique role of having run the salary cap of an NFL club, we had a unique sales pitch and therefore many opportunities.
We grew quickly. We met with countless top draft picks and free agents. We signed dozens of players. Soon we had an NFL, PGA Tour, and entertainment division. Again over my head, and still very young at the time, I lacked the maturity to handle the celebrity nature of it all. I was living a dream. Ringside championship fights in Vegas, Super Bowls, Pro Bowls in Hawaii, celebrity after-parties, and a company yacht for entertaining clients. Lots of partying, and all the “bennies” that go with it.
Meanwhile, a precious wife and young family wait for their daddy to come home from his business trips.
Real man? I don’t think so.
I hit a breaking point. I can never explain this part well, and I‘m sure I won’t be able to write it down well. But I had an experience where it was as if God literally reached is hand down and firmly tapped me on the shoulder. It was a warning of sorts.
I heard it something like this: “You are going to lose everything. Your wife, your kids, your identity. Most of all, you are going to lose me.”
This happened to me while I was entertaining some clients in a strip bar. (That’s what I called it anyway; in actuality I was entertaining myself.) I remember walking outside and falling apart. I called my wife. I was a mess.
What’s hard to explain is the weight of this particular experience. Over the years, I had had dozens of “feel bad” moments. You know what I mean… when you wake up the next morning and feel like a loser for doing what you did the night before. There had been times where I sat in a hotel bar looking at photos of my wife and kids, wondering what I was doing. But those moments would always pass.
Not this time.
I knew I had to tell my wife everything. I knew that if I tried to “turn things around” without telling her everything, it would never be genuine. We’d never have a real relationship again if I kept these dark secrets inside. When I got home, I sat my wife down and began confessing. I started as far back as I could remember, and let it all out. I only got about a fourth of the way through before she cut me off. She was in shock, she couldn’t hear any more. I thought she was going to leave me. I fully expected her to take the kids and walk away.
In the meantime, I resigned from my job. I didn’t have what it took to “clean up” and stay in the business. The temptations were too strong. I was too weak. I repented of my sin and began studying God’s word and hanging out with other believers who could encourage me. I began attending a bible study. While I felt sort of weak and depressed, I was beginning to become a real man. While I certainly didn’t know it at the time, I was in the middle of the first step to real manhood – humility and brokenness.
My heart woke up. I was alive again. I could look in the mirror. I could play with my kids and not feel guilty. I began to love being with my family, and desire being together as much as possible.
My wife didn’t leave. I actually remember her saying, in tears, “as hard as it was to hear, this is what I’ve been praying for.” God had given me another chance. Through the forgiveness and grace of my devoted wife, I began to scratch the surface of understanding the grace of God. We made a commitment as a family to follow God together. As I grew in faith and began to truly learn about the person of Jesus, I knew that only by his grace and love did he protect my family. Only in him could I find deeper meaning in life, and experience true joy. I chose to follow him at any cost, overwhelmed with gratefulness for rescuing me, and for making it all possible through his work on the cross.
Today we live in Guatemala, serving as missionaries to the poor. A long way from after-parties in Vegas, I can honestly say this: I have found that the big “rush” I was always looking for is found in giving your life away for others. There is simply nothing like it. When you commit to following Jesus, to studying the bible, you cannot escape the fact that we all have a responsibility to help people in need, care for the sick, speak for those with no voice. Yet, especially in American culture, almost all of our time is spent on ourselves. Bettering our own living situations, advancing, climbing… improving our own little kingdoms.
From the average person’s first glance, I have gone from riding high to the bottom of the barrel. Nice houses, boats, luxury cars, and fancy vacations… to an old car that breaks down, a house without hot water or air conditioning, and praying for enough money to come in each month. Here’s the crazy part. We are having the time our lives! We’re experiencing joy like we’ve never known before. There is a deeper sense of what life is all about. And somehow, giving it all away has resulted in financial and material freedom.
While everyone may not be called to be missionaries to a third world country, we are all called to live for others. In doing so, not only those we help get blessed, but we all are liberated.
I’ve shared how self-absorbed I was for so many years. Maybe you can relate. Maybe the corporate chase has you sucked in to logging 80-hour weeks that, while seeming to bring a strong return, are yielding little in light of eternity.
Or maybe you contribute to one of the following American statistics:
- Half of American males between 18-34 play 3 hours of video games per day.
- $3, 075 is spent every second on pornography.
- 55% of married men admit to cheating on their wives. (55% admit.)
- In 1970, 85% of 30yr old men were married. In 2000, only 58%.
My observation is this. There is a big difference between being a male and being a man.
It’s not your job, salary, car, house - or your genitals - that make you a man. And based on the statistics above, your age certainly does not make you a man. American males are consumed with childlike nonsense. Running from responsibility, avoiding growing up, and seemingly un-phased by abuse and atrocities.
Real men don’t waste hours playing video games.
Real men get pissed off when women are mistreated.
Real men hate pornography for demeaning women and making them its slave.
Real men defend the rights of the weak and the poor.
Real men treat their wives, daughters, and mothers and sisters like angels.
Real men lead their kids by what they do more than by what they say.
Real men recognize the shallow American pursuit of consumer success, and avoid it.
Real men apologize, repent, and forgive.
Real men try to emulate Jesus Christ.
If you are caught up in any of the empty pursuits of the typical American man, I encourage you to fall on your knees and petition for help from the only one who can change you. God is in the business of rescuing men. He did it for me, and he has done it from the beginning of time.
Christian men are the powerful tool that God uses to bring hope, truth, and justice into the world. Let’s take that seriously. Pray. Repent. Change. Love. Sacrifice. Lead. Help. Share the good news. Be a real man.
